A lonely wank in a Travelodge lyrics
People think it’s a glamorous life
Touring with your songs
But after the gig everyone goes home
And the nights can seem so long
The pretty girls have all got boyfriends
And they all go home to have it off
And I’m left alone in a chain hotel
Trying to imagine them having it off
And it’s then there’s no way I can dodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
I start to think of all the lonely salesmen
Who wanked here before me
They didn’t wanna pay ten quid for wifi
So they just used their 3G
When I’ve finished I’ll fill up the tiny little kettle
And I’ll make a cup of tea
The batteries are held in with electrical tape
On the remote for the TV
Sometimes I do it in front of the mirror
Just to feel like there’s someone else there
But all I see is my crying self
Wanking back at me in despair
The pretty girls have all gone home
With all the handsome boys
I just spent two quid in the vending machine
On a bag of steak McCoys
And now some jizz from my nuts I’ll dislodge
Via the medium of…
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
Her parents came to England from a far off land
From a different culture I don't understand
I've got some digital photos of her sucking my gland
She's my arranged bride
She's due to marry a man that she's never met
When she thinks about it she gets upset
But when she's with me her minge gets wet
Cos she's my arranged bride
Arranged bride, arranged bride
She's never had it off so her slot's not wide
I can just about fit a finger inside
The chuff of my arranged bride
Her father's forbidden us from seeing each other
'Cause I'm the wrong religion and I'm the wrong colour
She noshes me off though she's betrothed to another
She's my arranged bride
Her family's booked her on a flight away
On a plane that leaves in 7 days
So that gives me a week to get my end away
With my arranged bride
Arranged bride, arranged bride
She's never had it off so her slot's not wide
I can just about fit a finger inside
The chuff of my arranged bride
Arranged bride, arranged bride
Oh, she's never had it off so her slot's not wide
I hope before she goes I stick my stiffy inside
The chuff of my arranged bride
She's my arranged bride
