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I Think I Might Be Middle Class

I realised the other day whilst eating a rice cake
I’ve not done an hard day’s graft since 2008
Nowadays I like different things to what I used to do
There’s only one conclusion I’m starting to come to

I think I might be middle class
I saw a lady bending over and I didn’t smack her arse
Now I read the Guardian, and no longer get The Star
Cos I prefer a boring article to a bird in pants and bra

I’ve started liking houmous and guacamole dips
I prefer a bowl of cous cous to saveloy and chips
I only shop in Waitrose and these days my nob goes hard
When I see a loaf of Rye bread and an olive tapenade

BBC4’s my favourite TV channel by far
I’ve stopped throwing McDonalds wrappers from my moving car
If I got some Birkenstocks I’d be chuffed to bits
I’d rather that than lick whipped cream off a naked stripper’s tits

I think I might be middle class
I’ve started wearing rollnecks and talking out my arse
I only buy Fair Trade so some African gets paid
So he can feed his family who have probably all got AIDS

Sulley Muntari Mama
Daniel Opare Mama
Kwadwo Asamaoah Mama
Mubarak Wakaso

Jordan Ayew Mamama
Albert Adomah Mama
Fatau Dauda Mama
Asamoah Gyan

For breakfast I have muesli, I don’t eat Pop Tarts at all
I bought some grapes which weren’t even for someone in hospital
I have a box of vegetables delivered to my door
I’ve got a bag of Quinoa, but I don’t know what it’s for

I’ve got rid of my small-minded fear of everything Islamic
I’ve stopped saying Sarsons and now I say Balsamic
I bought a bottle of wine and didn’t drink it all in one
And I’d like to add it was one of the Papes, not Liebfraumilch or Blue Nun

I think I might be middle class
I saw some bloke look at my bird and I just let it pass
I’m appreciating irony and let me tell you this
These days I even get out the bath when I need to do a piss

I think I might be middle class
My night ends in a wine bar, not with a handjob off a brass
I’d rather have a latte than a pint of beer
I don’t even act all awkward when I find out someone’s queer

In fact I act pretty nonchalant when I find out someone’s queer
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