The abortion song lyrics

My girlfriend fell pregnant cos we didn’t take precautions
But she won’t entertain the thought of having an abortion
Look at me, I’m in no state for bringing up a kid
So what do I have to do to persuade her to get rid?

Oh do I
Run an hot bath, chuck her down the stairs
Stick a knitting needle up her when she’s unawares
Make her drink some gin, kick her in the quim
Leave a load of marbles on the floor when I’m not in
I can’t let this situation beat us
I’ve got to get rid…. of that foetus

But now she knows I’m up to something she’s taking extra care
She’s gone all paranoid and won’t let me touch her down there
If I’m honest I think I know what she’s concerned about
Is I’ll sneak a coat hanger up her choof and hook the foetus out

Or I could
Run an hot bath, chuck her down the stairs
Stick a knitting needle up her when she’s unawares
Smack her in the bump, keep making her jump
Try and convince her it’ll be born with a stump
I can’t let this situation beat us
I’ve got to get rid…. Of that foetus

I won’t let this embryo defeat us
I’ve got to get rid…. of that foetus