1. For those unfamiliar with Kunt and the Gang, could you explain who little
Little Kunt is a foam-
2. You’ve been a minor internet star for 13 years. What’s made you want to retire
The time just feels right. I have played some of my songs over 2000 times and done nearly half a million miles couped up in a Ford Fiesta. Not to mention the hundreds of nights I have spent alone in Travelodges around the country and hence the sheer volume of toilet tissue I must have sent off to landfill in that time.
3. How hard was it finding gigs in the early days with a name like ‘Kunt and
It was near impossible. You’d get offered a Tuesday in Liverpool and a Thursday in Manchester so you’d have to ring round venues in the north of England trying to find someone that was going to book you for the Wednesday. I soon discovered it is very hard to sell a 6 foot beanpole dressed from head to toe in hi-
4. Do you have a particular favourite album or song of yours? Why?
My favourite album of mine would have to be my second greatest hits album “Kunt’ll Fix It”, and not just because that’s the one I’ve got most copies left of. It contains what I think are the two best songs I’ve written, Women Love A Bastard and Paperboy, the love song I wrote to my paperboy.
5. Operation Yew Tree provided you with inspiration for new material. Is there
anything that you feel is off-
Not really, because the minute you think something is off limits it becomes a challenge to try and find an angle that makes it funny. As much as it’s not perfect by any means, I think my song The Wrong Ian Watkins is testament to that. Obviously it’s very hard to find anything funny in the sickening crimes of the former Lost Prophets frontman, but when I heard that outraged Internet users had mistakenly taken out their anger on the Facebook page of poor old Ian ‘H’ Watkins from Steps, you suddenly saw a route into it.
6. What has been your career highlight? Reaching 63 in the charts with ‘Fucksticks’?
Getting in the lower echelons of the proper UK singles chart was a real buzz and something I never really believed possible but I think if I had to pick one thing out of everything, it would be getting the chance to play in Australia in 2013. It was just like a big 2 month holiday, bumming round beaches, playing shows, having a beer and my personal high point, visiting where Neighbours was set and nicking a lemon off a tree in Ramsey Street.
7. What’s the worst reaction you’ve had to one of your songs?
I’ve had bottles and glasses thrown at me, ended up having fist fights and grappling with people on stage, got assassinated by a man with a water pistol full of his own piss (over my Amy Winehouse tribute) but my favourite was when I told my mum’s very straight laced boyfriend the title of my ode of how to get on in the music business, Use My Arsehole As A Cunt, and I saw him gag a little bit of sick up.
8. As referenced in your new album Blue R.O.F.L, is it true that Michael Eavis
has a micro penis?
My friend who had a piss next to him and saw it says yes, that’s definitely true. The song is completely unrelated to the fact that no one ever returned my emails, calls or texts about playing Glastonbury.
9. First Carol Vorderman left Countdown and now Deal or No Deal has been cancelled,
how’s this made you feel?
Over the years it has become clear there is a bit of curse on anyone featured in my songs and videos, as like you say, Carol and Noel got binned off, Dave Lee Travis, Justin Lee Collins and Doctor Fox were embroiled in alleged scandals that saw their careers nosedive and of course Jimmy Savile’s memory was somewhat tarnished by all the terrible stuff that came out after his death. People have lately started calling me ‘Noncetradamus’.
10. Finally, will the ever be a comeback tour? (‘The Kuntback tour’?)
I failed at everything I ever did before this so there’s every chance I will fail at whatever I try next, run out of money after 18 months and have to do a soulless comeback tour. I’m currently undecided between ‘Kunt: The Cum-
Kunt and the Gang’s last ever tour visits Nottingham Rescue Rooms on Friday 28th
Get tickets here: