What’s going on here?
Kunt and the Gang are encouraging a Dirty Protest Against Simon Cowell on 15-12-2013.
What’s your problem with Simon Cowell?
Apart from him being a smug, square-haired, Benny Tuck-in cunt, he has ruined the Xmas charts for everyone. Admittedly, Christmas number ones were not usually the greatest songs ever but even when it was a kid’s choir keeping on about their nan at least it wasn’t like now where every year we have to stomach a similar boring bollocksy ballad sung by whichever cardboard cut-out cunt bawls their eyes out the most in that shite trawl the X-Factor.
Why are you doing this instead of another Top 40 attempt?
Because we thought it through and came to the conclusion Christmas is expensive enough anyway - downloads cost money and turds are free.
Is there going to be a song though?
Yes. It’s called Simon Cowell (Hashtag dirtyprotest) and basically explains everything over two chords (see above).
I don’t want my Twitter followers to see my faecal waste. What should I do?
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Most days, most people do at least one jobby. Even Pippa Middleton’s lovely arse usually opens at least once a day to let some faeces out her perfect little brown buttonhole. If that is not reassuring enough, just set up a new Twitter account. Simples.
Won’t I get in trouble posting pictures of my stools online?