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SEPTEMBER
26 BASILDON the edge
27 SWINDON rolleston
28 GRAVESEND red lion
29 NEW CROSS new cross inn

OCTOBER
01 LEEDS fab cafe
02 CREWE liberal club
03 MANCHESTER fab cafe
04 BLACKPOOL cedar tavern
05 LIVERPOOL lomax
11 HITCHIN club 85
12 READING queen’s arms
19 HEMEL HEMPSTEAD rose & crown
23 LEICESTER shed
24 BIRMINGHAM flapper
25 DERBY hairy dog
31 KEIGHLEY exchange

NOVEMBER
01 NOTTINGHAM rock city
02 SHEFFIELD redhouse
08 BRISTOL stag and hounds
09 SWANSEA jack murphy’s
13 GATESHEAD central bar
14 GLASGOW 13th note
15 EDINBURGH city cafe
16 DUNDEE non-zeros
17 SUNDERLAND cancelled, sorry!
20 CAMBRIDGE william mong hall
21 COLCHESTER the bull
22 RICKMANSWORTH long island
23 HARWICH royal oak
27 NUNEATON crew
28 PRESTON mad ferret
29 CONGLETON cancelled, sorry!
30 NORWICH the talk

DECEMBER
01 SOUTHAMPTON joiners
03 DUDLEY rock zombie
04 BRIGHTON SOLD OUT
06 LONDON rhythm factory
07 CANTERBURY 3 tuns
08 IPSWICH royal oak
10 MILTON KEYNES craufurd arms
11 SOUTHEND railway
13 CROYDON scream lounge
14 NEWBURY snooker club
15 TEWKESBURY anchor
19 CHELMSFORD fleece
20 SALISBURY winchester gate

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DIRTY PROTEST TOUR 2013 - TICKET INFO
(ONLY GIGS UNTIL AUTUMN 2014!)

DECEMBER
03 DUDLEY rock zombie
     TIX FACEBOOK
04 BRIGHTON caroline
     SOLD OUT
06 LONDON rhythm factory -      big fuckoff xmas do!
     TIX FACEBOOK
07 CANTERBURY 3 tuns
    FREE ENTRY
08 IPSWICH royal oak
    FREE ENTRY
10 MILTON KEYNES craufurd arms
    TIX
11 SOUTHEND railway
     TIX FACEBOOK
13 CROYDON scream lounge
     DETAILS
14 NEWBURY snooker club
     TIX
15 TEWKESBURY anchor
     TO RESERVE TIX SEE:      FACEBOOK
19 CHELMSFORD fleece
    FREE ENTRY
20 SALISBURY winchester gate
     Advance tickets only. Ask Robb

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Hallo, you’ve reached the website of minor internet hit music act Kunt and the Gang.
We invite you to join us on 15th December for the world’s first ever virtual dirty protest…

Join in the fun at www.facebook.com/dirtysimon

FAQs

What’s going on here?
Kunt and the Gang are encouraging a Dirty Protest Against Simon Cowell on 15-12-2013.

What’s your problem with Simon Cowell?
Apart from him being a smug, square-haired, Benny Tuck-in cunt, he has ruined the Xmas charts for everyone. Admittedly, Christmas number ones were not usually the greatest songs ever but even when it was a kid’s choir keeping on about their nan at least it wasn’t like now where every year we have to stomach a similar boring bollocksy ballad sung by whichever cardboard cut-out cunt bawls their eyes out the most in that shite trawl the X-Factor.

Why are you doing this instead of another Top 40 attempt?
Because we thought it through and came to the conclusion Christmas is expensive enough anyway - downloads cost money and turds are free.

Is there going to be a song though?
Yes. It’s called Simon Cowell (Hashtag dirtyprotest) and basically explains everything over two chords (see above).

I don’t want my Twitter followers to see my faecal waste. What should I do?
It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Most days, most people do at least one jobby. Even Pippa Middleton’s lovely arse usually opens at least once a day to let some faeces out her perfect little brown buttonhole. If that is not reassuring enough, just set up a new Twitter account. Simples.

Won’t I get in trouble posting pictures of my stools online?
Probably not.

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