A cup of tea

Air hostess

All I want for Christmas is you (to bring me off)

A lonely wank in a Travelodge

Arranged bride

A semi-on with a drop of pre-cum

A little baby with a lady’s cunt

Bangers and mash

Barry didn't do it

Bras

Britain’s got talent shows

Can't work, won't work

Carol Vorderman

Cheer up, you cunt

Chips or tits

Christmas clearout (yuletide log)

Cock in a cunt

Craig had pubes when he was nine

Deal or no deal

Dee (the oldest groupie)

Detox my cock

Different dads

Doctor Fox

Equal opportunities wank

Ex-girlfriend

Female referee

Feminine Itch

Fifty things you should think about to stop you doing your beans

Five people died on the M25

For a million pounds

Fred and Rose

Fucksticks

Gary did do it

Gentleman's wash

God’s stitches

Have a wank

Have a wank (acoustic)

Have you seen my snowman?

Having a wank in Happyland

Heather Mills

Hurry up and suck me off before I get famous

If in doubt get your corey out

If you don't like this song you're a fucking cunt

I'm gonna lick you out

I’m gonna think of you

It can’t be rape (it’s Christmas)

I think I might be middle class

It’s just a butterfly

I was pissed out of my head

I shit my pants

I sucked off a bloke

It’s my party

It were nothing to do with me

I've got a plan (based on Maddie McCann)

I want to do a poo at Paul’s

Jesus (baby with a beard)

Jesus died of a stranglewank

Jimmy Savile and the sexy kids

Just can’t get enough

Kunt comfort

Kuntish Christmas

Let’s fuck about with fireworks

Let's go commando

Let's have a wank for England

Let's send Nan to Dignitas

Life

Lovely jubbly

Make sure that she's rank

Meet Jade Goody

Men with beards (What are they hiding?)

Michael Eavis and his micro-penis

Michael Jackson tribute

My bumrape place

My cousin looks like Pavel Pogrebnyak

My fucking mental friend

My homeless friend

My mum found my wankmags

My nob is a great big nob

My nob is bigger than your nob

Mum’s rubber glove

Nobody spunks up a cunt anymore

One last wank and one last cry

Paperboy

Paul Stephenson’s party

Penis Extension

Period pants

Perverts on the internet

P.O.P.U.L.A.R.

Princess Di (I'll wank and I will cry)

Pubes

Rachel Riley

Santa’s sack

Seedy Affair

Shannon ain't dead (she's under my bed)

Shannon Shannon (living in my flat)

Shannon Shannon (where can you be?)

Shaven haven

Shaven haven (acoustic)

(Shitting on) a picture of the Queen

Simon Cowell (hashtag #dirtyprotest)

Soapy Tit Wank

Sit down wee

Teach your kids to smoke

That's my erection

That’s why I’m voting UKIP

The abortion song

The birds and the bees

The bloke up the garage fucked a sheep

The cure for depression  

The FGM Calypso

The illegal download song

The loveliest lulu in Langdon Hills

The Queen's cunt

The twelve days of Christmas

The two finger test

The worst thing in the world

The wrong Ian Watkins

There's a child molester living in Grays

Things

This Christmas

Tracey, stop bringing black blokes back

Twenty four hours from Tilbury

Two of a kind

Use my arsehole as a cunt

Wank fantasy

Wanking over a pornographic polaroid…

Wank the dog

We’re all pink on the inside

What do dreams mean?

What’s the point in burlesque?

When’s it OK to have a wank?

Whose was that pube?

Wipe to beige

Women love a bastard

You brought a paedo along to 5-a-side

You horrible man (you killed a kid at Christmas)

Young girl

You're always on the web

You're a paedophile

You're a pervert

You’re going to die