1. Have a look up your loft and see if there's anything that makes you feel sexy.
2. Take a bumwipe shopping and discreetly leave it at the cash-
3. Drive out to the countryside and interfere with yourself in a lay-
4. Find a lady you fancy then follow her home.
5. Put your finger in a rubber johnny and stick it in your back bum.
6. Write a letter to the local paper complaining about dogs' mess.
7. Shave your pubes off.
8. Take photos of your neighbours without them knowing.
9. Cut a hole in your pocket and smile at people in the street while touching your winky.
10. Do some plops in a carrier bag and tip them over your neighbour's fence when they're at work.
11. Ask a lady if you can have a look at her front bottom.
12. Shave your dog's cock and bollocks.
13. Tuck your private parts in between your legs and photograph yourself as a lady.
14. Do a bit of poo on some paper, the fold it over to make a butterfly print.
15. Get a stiffy then show it to some ladies in the woods.
16. Set up a hotmail account in your mate's name then find something mucky on the internet and send it to his mum.
17. Buy a portion of chips in the town centre and chip up a traffic warden.
18. Sit right next to someone on a near-
19. Take a Polaroid of your helmet and leave it in a book in the library.
20. Join Twitter as Nobby Nobnuts and put your bio as 'looking at my ding-
21. Wear white trousers with no pants and shit yourself in the post office queue.
22. Make sure your mum's out then have a wank in every room.
23. Tell anyone new you meet that you're a stuntman.
24. Itch your bum inside your pants then ask a policeman for directions and insist on shaking his hand.
25. Shit in a jiffy bag and send it to Dominic Littlewood.
26. See if you can touch your helmet with your tongue. If you can, ignore all the above.