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50 Things You Should Think About To Stop You Doing Your Beans

Sometimes when you’re making love it’s hard to make it last
You’re barely past the curtains and it’s over much too fast
You’ve only done one or two pumps and the moment comes to soon
For situations such as this we wrote this little tune

And it’s called
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans

Farm machinery, pleasant scenery, your grandad with his vest on
The M25, being buried alive, the moustache of Simon Weston
A bag of offal, A blue waffle, Gene Wiilder’s hair
A road fatality, your own mortality, an advert for Go Compare

A touch of Frost, someone you’ve lost, disabled access ramps
Gail Platt, Susan Boyle’s twat, concentration camps
A baked bean breville, Gary Neville, the act of grouting tiles
Aesop’s fables, the periodic table, Ken Hom’s anal piles

If you don’t wanna climax max max
Or empty your sacks
Or go off in your cacks
All you have to do is go through the
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans

Freezing fog, an angry dog, a skiddy bog, a massive log
News at Ten, Mr. Benn, being raped, then raped again
John McCrierick’s breath, cot death, whether there’s a heaven
Roadkill, a mixed grill... 9-11

The right to vote, creosote, a child’s body in a ditch
Coventry City’s former keeper, Steve Ogrizivic
The Queen Mum, a difficult sum, the hardest knot you’ve tied
The final days of the family dog, and the way dad cried

Human rights, temporary traffic lights, the adverts of Thora Hird,
Lauren Harries fucking himself with a frozen turd

If you don’t wanna jizz jizz jizz
Then make it your biz biz biz
To do a little quiz quiz quiz
To help you learn the list we’ve compiled of
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans
50 things you should think about to stop you doing your beans
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