Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Women Love A Bastard

When I was a young boy this kid Neil he pulled the wings
Off of daddy longlegs, and little flying things
The girls all flocked around him, to see the skill he’d mastered
When I asked him why girls liked him he said, “women love a bastard”

So when I grew up I must admit that once or twice
I went out with girlfriends and I tried to treat them nice
Every time I did that it just ended in disaster
Then I remembered Neil’s advice, that women love a bastard

Bastard bastard, women love a bastard
Bastard bastard, women love a bastard
I quickened up my pelvic thrusts so I can climax faster
Then I have a fag and fall asleep cos women love a bastard

So when I met my current bird I had to hatch a plan
To attempt to be a bigger bastard of a man
She cooked a meal for Valentines, I tried to play it cool
I took one mouthful, spat it out and threw it up the wall

When she posts a Facebook status, I never once click ‘like’
On that cycle ride for charity I pushed her off her bike
I left her in the hospital, with her leg in plaster
While I went round and fucked her mum, cos women love a bastard

Bastard bastard, women love a bastard
Bastard bastard, women love a bastard
She broke down in church and ended up asking the pastor
Why I did it. He replied, cos women love a bastard

I bought her a 99 from that ice cream place
And when she went to take a lick I smashed it in her face
She’s got a nan with Alzheimers, who’s not allowed out
I left her in her underwear on Benfleet roundabout

Then when she did that fun run to raise money for the hospice
I went home, got her toothbrush and I stuck it in some dog’s mess
I rinsed it off with water and before she went to bed
As she brushed her teeth I texted her and this is what it said:

Dogshit dogshit, you brushed your teeth with dogshit
Dogshit dogshit, you brushed your teeth with dogshit
I never come straight home from work I stay out and get plastered
I do it all to turn her on cos women love a bastard


I superglued her eyes open and I must concede
I made her watch the sequel to the human centipede
I took her away from all her friends and got her hooked on crack
Then I forced her to go on the game so she could pay me back

But it all backfired on me and she walked out today
To go live in a refuge, where abused women stay
So now I sit outside her window with a ghetto blaster
And play Slipknot at 4am cos women love a bastard

Bastard bastard, women love a bastard
Bastard bastard, women love a bastard
If you asked me why I did it all, your query would be answered
I was only trying to make her moist cos women love a bastard
I was only trying to make her moist cos women love a bastard
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