Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Before I Get Famous
Whose was that pube?

I went on tour but my bird couldn’t come
Cos she had to stay home and dogsit for her mum
When I got back off tour something didn’t add up
I fancied some tea, and she made me a cup

She was being too nice. Had she had an affair?
Then I saw on the soap was a suspicious hair
And so I accused her and flew into a rage
Cos it was black and curly, while hers were straight and beige

I called her a slag and I wasted no time
Cos my pubes are brown and wavy so I knew it wasn’t mine
Now I’m a laid back chap, but it’s a slippery slope
When you find another bloke’s private hair on your soap
And so I asked her…

Whose was that pube? Whose was that pube?
It’s not one I recognise so whose was that pube?
I wouldn’t care about a dildo and I could overlook some lube
But the thing that’s really bugging me is whose was that pube?

Whose was that pube? Whose was that pube?
It’s not one I recognise so whose was that pube?
I could turn a blind eye to dried spunk on your boob
But the thing that’s really bugging me is whose was that pube?

Was it a black man (x16)
I’m not being racist, I just wanna know

Disturbing images flashed through my mind
Like Wesley Snipes doing her from behind
Or maybe Lenny Henry now he’s split from Dawn French
Was slipping her eight inches on the kitchen bench
Or maybe Viv Anderson and Steven K Amos
High-fiving as they took turns on her anos
Or was she bukkaked by seven black cocks
While wee Gary Coleman stood up on a box
(Cos he’s only little and he wouldn’t have reached her face otherwise)

Whose was that pube? Whose was that pube?
It’s not one I recognise so whose was that pube?
I wouldn’t care about a dildo and I could overlook some lube
But the thing that’s really bugging me is whose was that pube?

Whose was that pube? Whose was that pube?
It’s not one I recognise so whose was that pube?
I don’t care if you make a video that ends up on Redtube
For my own peace of mind tell me, whose was that pube?

As she slung me out, which just didn’t seem fair
She shouted, “You fucking idiot, it was just a dog hair.”
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