Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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A Lonely Wank In A Travelodge

People think it’s a glamorous life
Touring with your songs
But after the gig everyone goes home
And the nights can seem so long
The pretty girls have all got boyfriends
And they all go home to have it off
And I’m left alone in a chain hotel
Trying to imagine them having it off

And it’s then there’s no way I can dodge

A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge

I start to think of all the lonely salesmen
Who wanked here before me
They didn’t wanna pay ten quid for wifi
So they just used their 3G
When I’ve finished I’ll fill up the tiny little kettle
And I’ll make a cup of tea
The batteries are held in with electrical tape
On the remote for the TV

Sometimes I do it in front of the mirror
Just to feel like there’s someone else there
But all I see is my crying self
Wanking back at me in despair
The pretty girls have all gone home
With all the handsome boys
I just spent two quid in the vending machine
On a bag of steak McCoys

And now some jizz from my nuts I’ll dislodge
Via the medium of…

A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
A lonely wank in a Travelodge
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