Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Don’t be a kunt, download legally: Shannon Matthews
The Musical
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SHANNON SHANNON (LIVING IN MY FLAT)

I were sitting on the toilet
I’d just finished having a poo.
There were a knock on the door
So I wiped and it were Karen Matthews
She’d come round to tell me
That she’d devised a plan
To kidnap her daughter Shannon
And make us fifty grand

I were really skint
Where I’m unemployed
(and I spent me dole on scratchcards)
I were really lonely
And I needed to fill the void
(you know, after me daughters went into care)
I didn’t feel like
I had anything to lose
So on that basis
Why would I refuse?

She weren’t in danger
I’m not a paedophile
We’d eat biscuits
And watch Jeremy Kyle
Since she has gone
I must admit that I miss her
I’d go for a big job
Then we’d sit and watch Trisha

Shannon thought her and that woman from the M-People were the same person and I said I wasn’t sure if that was racist or not to say that two black people looked the same, but best not mention it to anyone else just in case

Shannon Shannon
Living in my flat
Shannon Shannon
I’m not denying that
Shannon Shannon
We had lots of hugs
Cos I liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs

Yes he liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs

We planned to go to Blackpool
And walk along the front
She didn’t like her mother
Cos, ‘scuse my French, she’s a ginger cunt
I promised her doughnuts
Candy floss and ice cream
Then I popped up the shops to get ‘em and left her
Tethered to a beam

I made us sandwiches
Dairylea and ham
In fact we had a right laugh
We took temazepam
We ate Pot Noodles
And she started to call me dad
It were the best three weeks
That either of us had ever had

We were happy
It were ideal
We watched Countdown
And Deal Or No Deal
She were happy
And so were I
We watched Police Interceptors
And CSI

Then the actual old bill turned up while I was having a dump so I nipped it off and hid in the bed base with Shannon and they busted in and found us and arrested me and here I am

Shannon Shannon
Living in my flat
Shannon Shannon
There’s nothing wrong with that
Shannon Shannon
We had lots of hugs
Cos I liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs

Yes he liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs

She stayed with me
But it weren’t kidnap
And if her mum says it were
That’s a load of crap
It was Karen’s idea
And I went along with it
And she never got fiddled with
So I don’t see what’s wrong with it

Shannon Shannon
Living in my flat
Shannon Shannon
I never touched her rat
Shannon Shannon
We had lots of hugs
Cos I liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs

Yes he liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs

Yes he liked the company
And she were off her tits on drugs