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Now if you want to be a proper bloke, despite what you might think
It's not about how much you smoke or if you can hold your drink
It's not even how many times you've potted the pink
The thing that makes you manly is your pubes

I don't care if you're muscly or can bench-press 200 pounds
It doesn't matter if your knob's so long it drags along the ground
Cos after extensive research I can reveal I've found
The thing that makes you manly is your pubes

It's your pubes, it's your pubes
The hairs around your privates, that's your pubes
So, don't you shave them back, let 'em sprout around your sack
Because the thing that makes you manly is your pubes

It doesn't matter if you're popular or skilful at football
Or got a hard job like a bouncer, it makes no difference at all
Cos if your cock's like a plucked turkey, it all goes to the wall
Because the thing that makes you manly is your pubes

Now some people call me a hypocrite because I like a shaven quim
But I point out Samson and Delilah and look what happened to him
She snuck into his bedroom while he was having a snooze
And the poor sod, he lost all his strength because she shaved off all his pubes

Cos it's your pubes, it's your pubes
They're like your corey's hairdo, that's your pubes
So keep your pube's alive, they should look like the Jackson 5
Because a lot of the greatest Britons have had great pubes

Winston Churchill - he had a lot of pubes
Willy Shakespeare - he had a lot of pubes
Kevin Keegan - he had a lot of pubes
Brian Blessed - he had a lot of pubes
Geoff Capes - he had a lot of pubes
Fred West - he had a lot of pubes
The 1966 World Cup winning team
Yeah man, they had a lot of pubes

Cos it's your pubes, it’s your pubes
The hairs around your ding-dong-diddly, that's your pubes
So just go with the flow - don't trim 'em, let 'em grow!
Cos the thing that makes you manly, it's your pubes
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