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Before I Get Famous
My nob is bigger than your nob

K:   My nob is bigger than your nob
     It’s got more pubes and a bulbous helmet
LK: No, my nob is bigger than your nob
     It won a rosette at a country fair
K:   My nob’s more hairy than your nob
     It looks like Justin Lee Collins eating a sausage
LK: My nob’s more veiny than than your nob
     It’s like a detailed road map of Britain

K:   I like taking my nob to the middle of the woods
     And showing it to ladies passing by
LK: Why?
K:   Cos it gives me a high
LK: Is that a lie?
K:   No, you should give it a try

K:   Your nob is smaller than my nob
      It looks like someone’s fashioned a miniature
LK: No, your nob is smaller than my nob
      It doesn’t touch the sides of a standard vagina
K:   Your nob’s more cheesy than my nob
      You could use it as bait in a mouse trap
LK: But your nob is gayer than my nob
     That isn’t a mole, it’s a little smudge of faeces

K:   I like sticking my nob out the side of my trunks
     When I got to the local swimming baths
      I do it on your behalf
LK: Yes, it’s a laugh
      But watch out for the staff

K:   My nob is longer than your nob
     It’s Peter Crouch to your Michael Owen
LK: My nob is wider than your nob
     My bird’s vag is covered in stretch marks
K:   My nob is stiffer than your nob
     If I turned round quickly I could have Gary Coleman’s eye out
LK: My nob is quicker than your nob
     I go from soft to milk in 30 seconds

K:   I like putting sunglasses on my nob
      Then taking photos of it
LK: Is that gay?
K:   I couldn’t say
     It just looks like it’s on holiday
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