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Now, my old grandad had a word he used when things went wrong
To introduce this word to you I put it in a song
So every time this word gets used his memory lives on
I'm about to tell you what it is so you can sing along

Fucksticks - When Nan wouldn't let him touch her furry pie
Fucksticks - When he got some shrapnel lodged in his Jap's eye
Fucksticks - When a German sniper shot him in the cock
Fucksticks - When he found a lump on his left bollock
Fucksticks - When me Nan died and she left him all alone
Fucksticks - When he let a bogus caller in his home
Fucksticks - When the first black people moved into his street
Fucksticks - When arthritis meant he couldn't beat his meat

Fucksticks, Mother's cunt, fucksticks

Fucksticks, Mother's cunt, fucksticks

So everytime I hear the word I start to reminisce
I suddenly taste Werthers and get a faint whiff of piss
So when someone annoys me or things get on my pip
I think about the moany, racist old cunt and really let it rip

Fucksticks - When I miss an open goal in 5-a-side
Fucksticks - When I lost my hard-ons after Nan had died
Fucksticks - When the teachers told me that I was no good
Fucksticks - When the old bill caught me wanking in the woods
Fucksticks - When I'm having it off and I think of my old man
Fucksticks - When Little Kunt leaves skidmarks down the pan
Fucksticks - When some motherfucker pushes in a queue
Fucksticks - When you get caught short and really need a poo

Fucksticks - When I came a-tumbling off my BMX
Fucksticks - When I split my frenulum while having sex
Fucksticks - When some smart-arse bastard gives me my comeuppence
Fucksticks - When it's ages since I've seen a lady's tuppence
Fucksticks - When there's no clean pants so you have to wear your Mum's
Fucksticks - When your bird won't let you fuck her up the bum
Fucksticks - When you feel awkard and you don't know what to say

If you say "Fucksticks, fucksticks fucksticks”, it just makes everything OK
Fucksticks, Mother's cunt, fucksticks
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