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Don’t be a kunt, download legally: One Last Wank
& One Last Cry
A Cup of Tea

Ooh, I've been terribly unlucky the last couple of weeks
If I fell in a barrel of tits I’d have come out sucking my thumb
What I need is something to make it all better
I'll tell you some of the things that have happened...

I've had a touch of writers' block and I couldn't write a song
My cock's been really itchy, I'm sure there's something wrong
My girlfriends' Mum & Dad decided I wasn't an appropitiate suitor
PC World grassed me up to the pigs for what they found on my computer
My lottery number's all came up but I forgot to get a ticket
I went to have a wank over Countdown but it was cancelled for the cricket
We sold two thousand downloads but was ineligible for the charts
And I singed my cock and bollocks trying to light one of my farts

You've had a bad day, it was really shite
A nice cup of tea will make it alright
So your girlfriend got raped and your dog has died
Have a cup of tea, it will all be alright
Have a cup of tea, a lovely cup of tea

Pop a teabag in a cup
Pour hot water and top it up
Add as much milk as required
And some sugar if desired

I wrote my car off, hit a wall, and ended up in someone's garden
I took Viagra a week ago and I can't get rid of this hard-on
My bird dumped me and won't return my calls so I can't get closure
I got arrested outside a school on suspicion of indecent exposure
I fell arse over tit running for the bus and ripped a hole in my best slacks
Then I had tummy ache on the bus to Lakeside, I farted and shit my cacks
As sod's law and would have it, just like my car, my pants were a total write-off
I had to go in B&Q bogs to try and wipe all of the shite off

You've had a bad day, it was really poo
Have a cup of brew and it won't be so blue
You got sacked from your job and raped in the gob
Have a cup of tea and it will all seem peachy
Have a cup of tea, a lovely cup of tea
Have a cup of tea
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