Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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The Musical
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KAREN:






CRAIG:




KAREN:




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TWO OF A KIND

Dear Craig, you see…

My love, I am in prison
But I will remain true
I won’t suck anyone off
I’ll save myself for you

It’s nice of you to say
That you’re prepared to wait
But surely it’s full of birds
So there’s no-one to fellate

But them birds are les-be-friends
Like the one I told you about
And they don’t look like fussy eaters
So they might want to lick me out

I too will remain faithful then
A deal we have clinched
Mind you, I can’t leave the house
For fear I’ll get lynched

You and me, we’re two of a kind
I’m stuck indoors
And to a cell I’m confined
People say you’re a ginger
But I say love is blind
You are very short sighted
And you’re on my mind

We go together
Like strawberries and cream
D’you know what I mean
You and me are a dream

You faked the abduction
Of your nine year old daughter
You had nude pics of kids on your laptop
That you didn’t oughtta

You were prone to bouts of violence
And threw beer cans at the kids
You left your pants sunny side up
And they were always full of skids

Nobody’s perfect
You’re certainly not
And neither are you, you little cunt
But you’re all that I’ve got

You and me, we’re two of a kind
You’re stuck indoors
And to a cell you’re confined
People say you look Down’s Syndrome
But I say that’s unkind
Though you are a bit special
And you’re on my mind

You and me, we’re from the same mould
Together forever  
To have and to hold
People say you’re a spastic
And that you’re ginger and old
But you’ll be thirty in eight years you cheeky cunt
And that’s when you’ll be paroled
You’ll be thirty in eight years
That’s when you’ll be paroled
We’re two of a kind
And our story is told