Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Jesus died of a stranglewank

I took a trip to the Holy Land
Though I’m not really the churchy kind
I’m more the type to go on a laptop and watch
MILFs get plugged from behind

But I went there for a nosey round
And in this church, tucked down a hole
I found what looked like a load of old writing
On this ancient papyrus scroll

It was an undiscovered gospel
The gospel of St. Geoff
It had laid there hidden for two thousand years
And shed new light on Jesus’s death

Turns out he didn’t die on the cross
No he wasn’t crucified
They just made that up to save his blushes
Cos of how he really died

His 12 mates came back home to find him
Hanging, there in the holy land
With a crescent of mucky magazines
And his todger in his hand

You see

Jesus died of a stranglewank
A stranglewank, a stranglewank
Jesus died of a stranglewank
And so did Michael Hutchence

See, Jesus died of a stranglewank
A stranglewank, a stranglewank
Jesus died of a stranglewank
And so did Michael Hutchence
And so did David Carradine
And so did Ian McCaskill*















*Kunt would like it to be noted he wrote this song 6 months prior to the passing of the much loved weatherman, whose cause of death was reported as being from circumstances surrounding dementia, definitely not auto erotic asphyxiation.
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