Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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So Kunt, is this really the end of it all?  One final tour and then you’re gone or will this be like Madness and you’ll do annual comeback shows?
The idea is it’s the end mate. Definitely feels like time after 13 years, 2000 gigs and over half a million miles in a Ford Fiesta. That said, if whatever I end up doing next fails then I’ll be back after 18 months, dead behind the eyes with slumped shoulders wheeling out all the greatest minor internet hits to pay the bills.

 

So what’s next, back to the building site (though we’d imagine possibly not with the same builders…)?
I can’t show my face back on site after what happened there before, especially with Dave’s wife working in the site canteen. But I’d never rule out going back to a bit of cash in hand painting and decorating to keep the wolf from the door.

 

What about Little Kunt, has he got any plans for the future?
I don’t know. We fell out over his solo album in 2013 and haven’t spoken since.

 

In all seriousness, what have you got planned once the final tour is over?
I’m not sure mate, I am thinking I’d like to get myself out the firing line and write some stuff for other people or maybe even a sitcom but in the 13 years I have been doing this I have not made a single contact in that field so it’s gonna be like going back and starting from square one. Luckily I have my neat painting and decorating skills to fall back on.

 

Has being known as in internet celebrity caused you problems in your day to day life?
Not really. Being a minor internet celebrity like me, rather than an actual celebrity like Dean Gaffney means the only people who recognise you are people who mostly like what you do and are keen to let you know, rather than random people shouting ‘Gaffney you wanker’.  I love watching people work out how they’re going to to ask if it’s me without using the K word! As I packed my shopping away in Asda one time, I was sure the young kid on the checkout had clocked me. Eventually as I paid him, he leant in and quietly said, “er, sorry to ask but are you on the internet?”

 

Also, has Carol Vorderman admitted to enjoying the song about her?
It took 13 years but I got there in the end…
https://twitter.com/kuntandthegang/status/749713272480423936

 

You’ve had a couple of songs enter the charts before, any chance of one last attempt to get a track in the top 40?
I’ve realised since doing those top 40 campaigns that getting in the top 40 would be a fucking nightmare, it would end up with me on the front of the Daily Mail with ‘Is this the most evil man in Britain?’ A mate of a mate of mine is famous and I’ve seen what a massive pain up the arsepipe it is every time he wants to do normal things you and I take for granted. There’s 400 people wanting selfies every time he tries to go down the pub for a pint, pop into Harvester for a bit of lunch or hang around in the bushes in the park wanking over the female joggers.

 

You must get asked this all the time, but are there any subjects that you wouldn’t write about?
I think there were when I started but I’ve ended up covering them all. I don’t think any subject is off limits as long as you handle it sensitively and research it properly like what I do on Wikipedia.

 

Are there any songs you look back on now and think, hmmm maybe that one was a bit much?
Not really. The trouble is once you’ve spent enough time around terrible things you become a bit desensitised to it all and it all starts to seem perfectly normal. I’m hoping that’s the only thing I’ve got in common with a Nazi war criminal.

 

What’s more fun for you, writing the songs, playing live or seeing the reaction you get from the crowd?
For me nothing beats that rush you get when you first get the idea. It hasn’t happened often and it sounds a bit sad but the best ideas have made me pull my car over and sit there on my own in a layby crying with laughter. My favourite crowd reaction was when I played my song Paperboy out the first couple of times on my Kunt’ll Fix It tour in 2015. You can never recreate that moment when people hear things for the first time and as the tours go on more people have heard the new material so the effect is diminished. If I had the chance to go back and do it all again I would encourage people not to listen to the new album until after they had seen the gig, as you only get that one chance to hear the new stuff that first time and after that you can like it, laugh at it and sing along but it’s never quite the same.

 

You’re also well known for your YouTube channel and there’s some incredible videos on there.  Do you come up with the concept for these yourself and is there one video that’s your favourite out of them all?
I fucking love filming the videos and have had some Megalolz making them. I normally have a rough idea of what I want the video to look like and my chum Mike (who has been involved with most of the videos since the first one - Use My Arsehole As A Cunt - in 2006) and I normally do a rough storyboard together.  We sort of co-direct I suppose, usually with Mike behind camera and me in front. I used to sit in on the edit from start to finish but after working together all these years Mike has a good idea of how I see things ending up so he usually patches a rough edit before the pair of us sit down and iron out any final tweaks. If I had to pick one video out of all of them it would have to be ‘I Was Pissed Out Of My Head’ for the sheer ludicrousness of how it escalates. It was the only video Joe and Lucy Rigby filmed and directed for us, but me and Mike tagged the end section on where we dispose of the dead prostitute’s body.  As we were filming the final shots in a layby on the outskirts of Billericay Lee Evans jogged by. I remember me going “Alright, Lee” and him looking slightly bamboozled as we lobbed a corpse into the undergrowth.
 

You’ve toured up and down the country, which have been the best places to play and is there any one place that you vowed never to return to?
I’ve played to some really smashing crowds up and down the country but Newcastle deserves a special mention as I only got booked there originally because this bloke Joe wanted us to play there to him and his mates so hired a room and got a PA and put us on. It was a proper DIY gig but doing that one and the couple he put on after helped us get a following going there. One time everyone wore masks of Barry George, it was great! The worst gig I ever did was in 2005 on Canvey Island at a gentlemen’s evening where 60 pissed up bloke with semi-ons booed me off because they wanted to see some ladies’ beef curtains, not a 6’4” prick in hi vis sing songs about wanking.

 

What about the festival scene, you’ve played Rebellion and Download, how does the show go down on these stages? Or do you prefer a more intimate event?
I did Rebellion festival for 10 years and Download for 6 or 7. They were always absolute crackers, I don’t remember having a bad gig there. One of my unfulfilled ambitions was to get on at Glastonbury and I nearly did in 2015 when sadly Howard Marks had to pull out late but I got double booked with the Green Kids Band and the bloke who ran the stage didn’t want the grief of all the parents on his case. He promised to put us on in 2016 but with another 12 months to ponder whether it was a good idea he bottled it!

 

Across the UK, are there any acts you’ve played with who have really impressed you?
In the early days of playing, in terms of getting what a comedy song actually is, the Lancashire Hotpots and Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer were head and shoulders above anyone else. As far as proper bands go Tyrannosaurus Alan blew my fucking socks off.

 

So should we all be listening to Mike Gibbons once the void is created after that final show?
I know, it’s a worrying thought isn’t it.

 

So other than at the upcoming shows, where can people pick up your albums?
If you go to my website
www.katg.co.uk you can fill in the gaps of your collection. Don’t go on zoverstocks or Music Magpie on Amazon though, they’re the beneficiaries of blokes who have sold their Kunt and the Gang collection to appease overbearing girlfriends who they are trying to impress in the first instance but ultimately won’t have any lasting connection to.

 

Any final words for the readers and your legion of fans/stalkers out there?

To anyone that bought any of our albums or came to any of our shows: Thank you for finally vindicating me in my mid-30s that after years of rejection from record companies, Edinburgh Fringe promoters and Avalon comedy management that I had something to say that people wanted to listen to. I was sure I did but you get all the joy beaten out of you from the naysayers.

To the stalkers: please just stop the passive aggressive messages and emails, they suck all the fun out of everything and make me genuinely worry for my own safety.

 

Huge thanks for chatting with us dude and best of luck with those final shows…and finally, what for you is the most offensive song of all time?
Wonderwall. The blandest, most insipid 3 minutes of tripe ever passed off as alternative. Worse than Coldplay, Travis, Ian Huntley and rape.
That said, thanks for having us!