the internet’s most kuntish songs and videos Book
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1. Could you tell me what it was like peeking on YouTube in a time that it was growing and only just becoming a big thing?

Well, I didn’t really know what the fuck I was doing but I think even before I’d made my first video (Use My Arsehole As A Cunt) there was this kid TD Knuckle had done a home-made video of him miming to my song Have A Wank which was very funny but I couldn’t believe had a hundred thousand hits! Making the first couple of videos it felt like you could do whatever you like and get out directly to people that would like it – a bit like if you controlled the TV stations. When the 3rd video I did (Arranged Bride) got taken down and then subsequent ones got deleted I realised YouTube wasn’t quite the creative free-for-all that I had previously though it was!

2. What inspired you to create the music you write?

I have always written these rude smutty songs, ever since I was at school. I don’t know at exactly what point it actually started but I remember being fascinated as a teenager by people’s different reactions to swearwords, how angry it made some people and wanted to write some silly songs that tapped into that.

3. What has been your finest achievement with Kunt and the gang?

Generally it would have to be the big back catalogue I’ve managed to create in the last 13 years, I always loved the idea of having a shitload of albums with my face on the cover! I was very proud to get a song called Use My Arsehole As A Cunt into the UK top 75 singles, but if I had to pick one specific thing it would have to be Shannon Matthews: The Musical, a musical I wrote and then recorded with some mates up in Huddersfield. It has only ever existed as an audio recording but if it ever got on the stage I think I would die a happy Kunt.

4. What has been the motive for calling it a day?

I always wanted to knock it on the head before I ran out of ideas and more importantly while I was still enjoying it. I nearly finished in 2011 but then Operation Yewtree came along and dragged it on for another 5 years. Three cheers for Yewtree!

5. It is sad to see you go and I'm sure most of us would miss you at download festival. Could there be a chance of a reunion in the future? Or even just the occasional show for special events like download festival?

Wanks very much but I think it’s the end of the road permanently. The only thing that would tempt me out of retirement is if Yewtree get Noel Edmonds.  Seeing that mascara-bearded ponce get taken down a peg or two would be too much to sit by and ignore.

6. Blue rofl is the title of the new and last album the title is genius but I do believe you had some issues with getting the album printed. Could you tell me a bit about that?

The album was held up after pressing plants in the UK refused to deal with us because of the song title Jesus Died Of A Stranglewank. My mate who helps us out with this had to take it to Eastern Europe where they are a bit less prudish about things.

7. Could you tell me your favourite track from the new album?

My favourite track is probably Seedy Affair, which was inspired by my time working doing odd jobs for Essex County Council. I secretly loved Donna the receptionist but I knew that nothing would ever come of it because I was only on £5.85 an hour so would have had to try and conduct an affair on a budget and nothing makes for an arid fanny more than a cheapskate.

8. Will we see much of blue rofl on the current tour?

About 6 or 7 songs most nights. I’ve tried to not shy away from difficult issues on this last album, and was recently alerted to the big problem across Africa of female genital mutilation so in case any perpetrators come along to see us I’ve been playing The FGM Calypso.

9. Do you every worry about the response some songs could cause or possible trouble you may get in to? For example having a shit on a picture of the Queen was quite contriversial. did you get any over the top hate for that song or any other song?

You can’t worry too much about what people think otherwise you’d never do anything. Like if I thought too hard about what my mum would think about that scaghead bird in Glasgow noshing me off for 3 quid I’d never have done it. Taylor Swift was right when she said, “The haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate, etc.” I got online death threats for my Michael Jackson tribute song – “Yo MOFO I’m gonna pop a cap in yo ass, etc.” – but worse that that was after my Amy Winehouse tribute some nutjob turned up at one of my gigs with a water pistol full of widdle and assassinated me with piss.

10. You do some funny stuff on social media. Will you continue to be active on Facebook?

Thanks. I’ll leave the page open but I’m not going to be active on it as otherwise I won’t be able to get on with whatever I’m gonna do next. Hopefully people will use it to leave lots of heartfelt posthumous messages, but realistically it’ll probably just be nutjobs and spambots.

11. Do you have any famous last words?

Rape you later.

Thank you very much for your answers, lastly is a question you don't have to answer but it would be nice to have a answer.

12. Who is the man behind the mask of Kunt and the gang?

There’s no man and no mask, it’s just me! Okay, so of course I didn’t really rape my paperboy or lick out Jade Goody but all these songs are my songs and they’re all based on stuff that happened to me. It’s only a laugh, no harm done.