So you’re coming to Australia – what do you expect, and what should we expect?
I have learnt everything I know about Australia from watching Neighbours in the 90s so I expect Australia to be full of prudish fat men who play the tuba, affable doctors with sexy MILF wives, and evil overlords who run hotel complexes.
You can expect a 6 foot 4 inch beanpole in a glittery boiler suit singing light hearted, educational songs that will set you straight about what real everyday life is like in England, just in case you have gleaned all your knowledge from watching Eastenders.
Your ‘dick and balls’ sticker campaign in Edinburgh got you a lot of attention. Any plans for a similar campaign here?
When I gave out a thousand cock and bollocks stickers to my crowd at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival I had no idea that they would go and stick them all over the other performers’ faces on their posters. It was just meant to be a bit of fun but my cocks got up some people’s noses and it ended up with the council coming to my venue to tell me off and several angry, humourless comedians wanting to kick my head in. So am I likely to do it again? Definitely!
For the uninitiated,
please explain Little
In my twenties I had
a swollen, bloated
belly and just
presumed it was a
allergy or a bit of IBS.
When I finally got
round to visiting the
doctor it turned out I
had a parasitic twin
living inside me. I was
anally induced and
Little Kunt was born
out my arsehole
covered in blood,
faeces and a little bit
of sweetcorn. Sadly
he only lived a short
time but I honour his
memory with a lifesize
puppet effigy in my show that duets with me on a couple of songs.
You’ve managed to get Michael Jackson fans and royal watchers off-
I had death threats from mental Michael Jackson fans over my YouTube tribute, some saying they were going to ‘pop a cap in my ass’. I don’t know what that means but it sounds a bit sexy. After my Amy Winehouse tribute video came out a bloke came up to me at a gig in London, held up a picture of Amy Winehouse, pulled out a water pistol at point blank range and started squirting me, repeatedly shouting, “IT’S MY PISS, IT’S MY PISS”. If I don’t like something I just turn it off. It makes life much easier than going to all the effort of writing poison pen letters or assassinating people with piss.
Have you been working on any material specific to Australia?
I made the decision to not try too hard to Australia-
Do you get a lot of walk-
You can’t please all the people all the time. I’d much rather have someone who wasn’t enjoying the show walk out than me have to look at their miserable fucking head for an hour. That said, people who have come back to see the show several times over the years take great pleasure in watching the ones in the crowd who are having a terrible time so really it’s a win-
When it comes to jokes, how far is too far? Is there a too far?
I don’t think it’s as black and white as that. I think you can joke about anything as long as it’s in the right context. I got a bit of stick last year for writing a song about UK celebrity paedophile Sir Jimmy Savile but I think the world is a sorry place if you can’t try and find some humour in a situation where the whole British light entertainment industry turned a blind eye to some filthy old cunt in a tracksuit fiddling with kids for 40 years. That said, an Australian mate of mine was at great pains to warn me that in Australia, Steve Irwin is too far.
Oddly “Use My Arsehole As A Cunt” didn’t get the radio play fans had hoped for. Do
you sometimes feel as if your career is being sabotaged by politically correct wowsers?
If I’m honest, yes. In retrospect Use My Arsehole As A Cunt may have been the wrong choice for a radio single, as it touches on some uncomfortable truths about the kind of thing you have to do to get on in the music business, and the radio were never going to be party to someone putting that sensitive information in the public domain.
“Gentleman’s Wash” should be used as an educational song at high schools. Have you
had wives and girlfriends thank you for saving their sex lives?
Yes, actually. And thanks for noticing that. The people that think my songs are just a barrage of filth are missing the point. I’m all about politeness, helping people and trying to educate folks in the polite and proper way to go about things. I always say if I save just one lady or girl from having to pop a cheesy cock in her gob when the pubs kick out then all my work has been worthwhile.
Have you anything to add that we must know?
Can I just shamelessly plug my Australian shows here? I’m at the Austral Hotel in Adelaide 3-