Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Cheers for taking the time out to talk to us. 
 

I've been watching your videos non-stop for the past couple of days preparing myself for this interview - which hasn't gone down very well my neighbours as I've been watching them in the garden at alarming volume. One quick question before we start - who exactly is 'the Gang'? 

I’m not that picky about who ‘The Gang’ is. You don’t have to have a tattoo on your face or do a copper to be in my gang. I only really started ‘The Gang’ in the wake of Gary Glitter’s well-documented downfall. I thought there would be a load of disillusioned people looking for a new gang to join and wanted to take advantage of that.
 

Kunt is an unusual name - where's that from? Someone told me it was German but then that same someone also told me that he got off with all of the girls from Big Brother 3 in one night when he was working the door of a Yates a few years ago so I try not to listen to him.  

It’s of German origin, though I have heard of Kunts in other European countries like Switzerland and Holland. Several people in this country have also told me of Kunts living up their street.
 

Recently you've been having some issues

with popular video uploading site Youtube -

how's that battle coming on? 

Not great. The censor Nazis at YouTube had

banned a few of our videos in the past for
being a bit too sexy for general consumption
but just after the Royal Wedding last year
they removed our channel completely.
This might not have been unrelated to our
Royal Wedding Souvenir video, which
featured members of the Royal Family
sexually satisfying themselves in time with
the music. Bloody prudes.

 

There's a number of people that consider
your music to be offensive, I think that's
unfair, there's some important life
lessons to be learnt from songs like
'Men With Beards' - and I find your
musical tributes to recently demised pop
stars particularly moving. What would
you say to the people that can't seem to
look past the occasional naughty word
and have labelled you as 'obscene'?

It does make me upset when people find my
music offensive because, as you point out,
I’m only trying to be helpful. One example is
my song Gentleman’s Wash, which is an ode
to encourage men into getting in the habit
of good male personal hygiene. Another is
my cover of Katy Perry’s I Kissed A Girl,
(I Sucked Off A Bloke) which tells of the
dangers of making bets on a building site.
My tribute songs to Michael Jackson and Amy Winehouse might have made some of their fans angry and upset but they were quite earnest and heartfelt and above all factually accurate.
 

On the subject of moving tributes - one of your latest tracks 'My Homeless Friend' was a very poignant number - have you considered offering it up to a homeless charity to use in a campaign? I could see that getting a bit of telly time at least. 

I’m pleased you found that poignant, it’s one of the favourite words I’ve heard used to describe my music, along with ‘progressive’ and ‘brave’. I would happily offer this track up to a homeless charity if they wanted it. Not for free though, obviously.
 

Although your music is electro and quite poppy sounding, you get put on a lot of Punk bills - Is this through choice? If not, why do you think this is? 

There’s a great ‘don’t give a fuck’ attitude about punk crowds and some of my favourite gigs have been punk bills, especially Rebellion which is always a proper good old do. One thing I have noticed is on occasion the punk crowds are so wasted they don’t notice how fuckin shoddy and half-arsed some of the stuff is that promoters shove on the bill. On reflection this might be how I’ve got away with it so long.

 

Who are your influences musically? And then whilst we're doing influences 

who or what influences you to write the songs you do? You're certainly prolific

and seem to be knocking the hits out sharpish these days.

Musically I grew up with the Basildon synthpop sound of the early 1980s, especially early Depeche Mode before they went all sombre and started injecting heroin in their nobs. I was also a big fan of Ian Dury, Madness and the Macc Lads, who were the first band I ever saw live and simultaneously the first and only band I ever threw a pint of piss at.
The first couple of Kunt and the Gang albums were largely inspired by having too much time on my hands, hence the high percentage of songs about having a wank. Since then, I’ve matured a lot and write about a much larger spectrum of subjects, like finding an unidentified pube on my girlfriend’s soap and encountering a massive turd in a pub bog.
 

There was some controversy last year after the campaign to get 'Fucksticks' at number one for the Royal Wedding seemed to be being fiddled by the chart people - how did you feel after this fiddling? Do you have any plans to get a song at number one for the Queen’s Jubilee or maybe a special Olympics number?
There were dirty shenanigans went on in both our chart campaigns – one of the versions of Fucksticks had its sales numbers nobbled and our Use My Arsehole As A Cunt (The Nick Clegg Story) was removed from iTunes on the week of release. I don’t want to start rambling on about conspiracy theories because when I’m found dead in the woods like Dr. David Kelly everyone will go “Oh, poor old Kunt, he was rambling on about conspiracy theories and now he’s been found dead in the woods like Dr. David Kelly.”

I did have plans to celebrate the Queen’s Jubilee this year by doing a song called ‘Let’s dig up Di and fuck up the Jubilee’ but I dunno if I’ll get around to it.


 

If you could pick the next celebrity to croak for musical tribute purposes, who would you choose? - And who would you have do yours? 

What a great question. Can I treat this like a game of Cluedo? In which case I’d say

Gary Glitter in Mothercare with a Pramhandle. Or Barrymore in Chariots with a Stranglewank. Amanda Holden in the Britain’s Got Talent studio with a double ended dildo.
If I were to have an untimely death, and be found dead in the woods like Dr. David Kelly, I would like Mr. B The Gentleman Rhymer to write and perform a poignant tribute. If he was too busy maybe just give the job to someone who needs the work, like Chico.


 

Last year was a good year for Kunt and the Gang, Edinburgh festival got a bit upset at your unique promotional methods - now referred to as 'cockgate' - and you ended up winning an award. Now you've found out that plastering posters of people we can see on the telly with a sticker shaped like a cock wins you prizes, are you tempted to give up the music altogether and just do that?

That’s the dream. I’m just biding my time with this until someone offers me a minimal wage to go round sticking cocks on famous people’s faces.


 

I just googled Carol Vorderman, subject of your most romantic song to date, 'Carol Vorderman' only to discover she's now a regular on something called 'Loose Women' - I don't know what that is but I assume it's a documentary about women of a certain age after a few kids. Does her being a loose woman put you off at all? Are you tempted to turn your affections towards her younger replacement Rachel Riley?  

If you haven’t seen Loose Women it’s basically a programme where four old slags waste an hour of your life talking the most fucking dreadful inane ear-rot. Except when Carol’s on it and it becomes a great opportunity for a lunchtime wank. I am not put off Carol by her association with that horrendous show, our love goes much deeper than that. She could do a Beverley Allit and I’d still think she was the best thing since sliced bread. That said, I would also like to stick my sausage into her Countdown replacement, Rachel Riley. I hedged my bets and recorded a sexy tribute to her on my 2009 album Here’s One I Knocked Out Earlier.


 

What do you with your free time? Do you have any hobbies? 

In between my topical celebrity ambulance chasing song endeavours, I don’t get a lot of free time to pursue hobbies at home. However when I am away on tour I am often at a bit of a loose end in the daytime so I have taken to hanging around in town centres and seeking out attractive girls and then following them home to see where they live.
 

What's next for Kunt and the Gang?

We’ll hopefully be releasing a new live video this year, and I’ve started writing a Kunt and the Gang musical. It’s a bit like Mamma Mia but instead of a heartwarming tale of love and redemption set on a Greek Island, it’s more a harrowing tale of racism and paedophilia set in Basildon.