Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Could you give me a history? Even a brief one would be ok.
Kunt and the Gang started in 2003, after the break up of my previous group Pubic Cube. Pubic Cube consisted of me and my cousin Andy Kunt, but when Little Kunt joined the band there was a lot of friction between him and Andy Kunt which ended up with Andy telling me to “Work it up myself”.
Little Kunt and I carried on, changed the name to Kunt and the Gang and released our first album ‘I Have A Little Wank And I Have A Little Cry’ in 2004.
We made some videos, put them up on YouTube and that ended up with us getting offered a load of gigs all over the show.
 
How did you start? What did you do before? etc.
I got sacked from various jobs before I started the band, as a labourer, selling jeans, filling gas bottles, in a shoe shop, selling suits and doing odd jobs in Youth Centres. That one ended when they found out I was on the Sex Offenders Register.
I used to skive off and write my songs while everyone else was working.

 

Could you describe yourself or what 'Kunt and the Gang' is?
It's a bit like Rihanna but instead of a black warbling R&B domestic abuse victim, it's a 6 foot white electropop beanpole singing songs about wanking.

Who or what are your inspirations?

My inspiration is mainly to try and

have it off with sexy women. When

I was working part time in Homebase 

that just wasn't happening for me so

I decided to take to the stage with

my gritty songs about real life in

Essex in an attempt to get sucked

off a lot. 
If you mean famous people, the

ones that inspire me are usually

women I would like to have it off

with like Carol Vorderman or the

new bird off Countdown, Rachel Riley. 

I have a lot of respect for blokes that

have excelled at their profession like

Ian Rush or done something out of

the ordinary, like Barry George.
 
If you could work with anyone

(apart from Carol Vorderman)

who would it be?
Rather than work with someone, what

I would like to do is to take over from

Phil Collins now he's retired. As shite as his musical output has been for the last 20 years he still has a massive fanbase who want him to carry on. So I am thinking of changing my name to Phil Collins and releasing music to keep his fanbase satisfied. When I am Phil Collins I will probably start off by releasing a career retrospective where I record some up to date versions of some of my best known hits like Sussudio and In The Air Tonight, hinting at a possible change in musical direction. Then I will start work on a new album with a fresh new outlook for me (Phil Collins) that will surprise people. Who'd have thought that Phil Collins would release a 26 minute synthpop album consisting of 15 songs all about wanking?


I imagine you've gotten into trouble through your work. Perhaps celebrities have approached you after hearing about themselves being referenced in your songs. What has been the worst incident?

Carol Vorderman has a restraining order preventing me from going within 200 yards of her, her flat and her attractive teenage daughter. Worse than that I am currently being haunted by the ghost of Jade Goody after I had a hundred masks of her printed and got everyone to wear them at a gig in Newcastle.
 
What have you got planned for in the future?
Alongside my useless manager Mike Gibbons I am starring in a monthly YouTube series called ‘Perverts On the Internet’, which will be dealing with serious issues from disability to paedophiddlia in a light hearted fashion and using the medium of song.
 
Another attempt at the top 40 singles chart, this time outside of Christmas?
Yes! We clocked up about 3000 sales to get our song ‘Use My Arsehole As A Cunt’ to number 66 in the Christmas chart. At any other point in the year that would be enough to make it into the top 40! So we are just setting out on another campaign to commemorate the Royal Wedding. I have recorded a special Royal Wedding Souvenir Version of our song ‘Fucksticks’ for the occasion and a video to accompany it, which are at best very disrespectful and at worst will see us being sent to the tower.
 
Any funny stories or anecdotes?
I was performing my song ‘Wanking Over A Pornographic Polaroid Of An Ex-Girlfriend Who Died’ at a gig in Cardiff. In this song the choruses consist of me wanking and crying along to the backing track, which must have annoyed this lady who stormed up onstage and tried to remonstrate with me. She started swiping at me, which I managed to dodge, at which point, being somewhat the worse for wear, she stacked it and threw half a pint down my leg. As she was struggling to get up I decided it would be best to restrain her so I finished off the song kneeling on her back wanking and crying which only seemed to make her more mad!