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Describe your sound in no more than 6 words...

Your mum won't like it


Why should we come and see you?

Because I know where you live, I've got a jiffy bag and I need a poo. You do the maths.


Name one person who has influenced you most:

Barry George


What has made you happy today?

When I did a jobby this morning I wiped and there was nothing there. Result poo!


What has pissed you off?

I should have given a second cautionary wipe as I just noticed a small brown smudge on the back of my Y-fronts. Hopefully I just sat on a malteser.


Best South Coast venue?

Caroline of Brunswick in

Brighton is friendly and

very snug.


Now for some song title

based questions…

interpret the questions

as you please!


What's new pussycat?

I just left a dead mouse

in your shoe as a gift

and I've got my leg up in

the air so I can lick my



Who do you think you are?

Stephen Fry but everyone else thinks I'm Roy Chubby Brown


Where's your head at?

He's retired now but I saw him down the shops buying chips and a pickled egg


How do you do what you do to me ?

It's called your walnut gland and I use my middle finger


How deep is your love?

Why, how deep is your hole?


Can you dig it?

No, I'm on incapacity benefit and some cunt's bound to catch me on video camera


When will you be famous?

As soon as the police find those prostitutes buried in my allotment


Are You Lonesome Tonight?

Yep, it's CSI and a wank I'm afraid


Who Let The Dogs Out?

The 3am girls' editor


What time is love?

Anytime after dark in the car park of Thorndon Park  


Where is the love?

Down Josef Fritzl's cellar


Whose bed have your boots been under?

Shannon Matthew's uncle's


Should I stay or should I go?

It depends if you've got any gear or not


When will I see you again?

March 27th at the Soul Cellar