Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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Having a wank in Happyland

In Mothercare they’ve got a brand
Of children’s toys called Happyland
There’s a happy town and a happy farm
Even the Happyland Emo doesn’t self-harm

I often wish that I could go there
And do what makes me happy without a care
So I shut my eyes and put my nob in my hand
And now I’m having a wank in Happyland

I’m having a wank in Happyland
And no one gives a damn
If only the real world could be like this
I’d be such a happy man
I’m wanking in the garage
I’m wanking in the baker’s queue
I’m wanking in the post office
And all around the zoo


On the double decker bus
The people turn to me and smile
To see that I’ve removed my cock
And I’m rolling round wanking in the aisle

The bus it travels all round town
As Happyland just passes by
I’m wanking into a cigarette packet
And no one even bats an eye

I’m having a wank in Happyland
And no one gives a damn
If only the real world could be like this
I’d be such a happy man
I seagull the mechanic
But he doesn’t give chase
So I stroll down to the old bill station
And wank my cock in a policeman’s face


Oh look, here comes the vicar now
There’s a wedding at the church
I’m doing what Pete Townsend did
As he completed his ‘research’

I nearly climax on the bride
And the groom just smiles and waves
So I go round behind the church
And start furiously wanking on the Happyland graves

I’m having a wank in Happyland
And no one gives a damn
If only the real world could be like this
I’d be such a happy man
But sadly real life’s not like that
As I previously suggested
I’d barely got my cock out in Basildon town
And promptly got arrested

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