What’s going on here? Kunt and the Gang are encouraging a Dirty Protest Against Simon Cowell on 15-12-2013.
What’s your problem with Simon Cowell? Apart from him being a smug, square-haired, Benny Tuck-in cunt, he has ruined the Xmas charts for everyone. Admittedly, Christmas number ones were not usually the greatest songs ever but even when it was a kid’s choir keeping on about their nan at least it wasn’t like now where every year we have to stomach a similar boring bollocksy ballad sung by whichever cardboard cut-out cunt bawls their eyes out the most in that shite trawl the X-Factor.
Why are you doing this instead of another Top 40 attempt? Because we thought it through and came to the conclusion Christmas is expensive enough anyway - downloads cost money and turds are free.
Is there going to be a song though? Yes. It’s called Simon Cowell (Hashtag dirtyprotest) and basically explains everything over two chords.
I don’t want my Twitter followers to see my faecal waste. What should I do? It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Most days, most people do at least one jobby. Even Pippa Middleton’s lovely arse usually opens at least once a day to let some faeces out her perfect little brown buttonhole. If that is not reassuring enough, just set up a new Twitter account. Simples.
Won’t I get in trouble posting pictures of my stools online? Probably not.
On 15th December 2013 we invited you to join us for the world’s first ever virtual dirty protest… This was what we were proposing:
In case there was any uncertainty, we recorded a song to the same effect:
Pre-empting any further confusion we put this list of potential FAQs together:
Literally tens of people joined in and tweeted their jobbies to old squarehead, making the event another partial success.
Here are some of the greatest shits!
And here was my meagre offering…
Needless to say it didn’t change a single fucking thing. Fucksticks.