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Michael Jackson tribute

I was playing a gig at the Bird’s Nest in Deptford
When the news came through that Michael Jackson had died
Everyone went quiet, I didn’t know if I should continue
Then suddenly I felt a strange feeling inside

I went to make an announcement but when I opened my mouth
Ee-hee cha’mone was all that came out
Then suddenly I realised Michael Jackson was inside me
Much like those young boys that we all heard about

My voice went all high and I kept touching my privates
No one noticed anything had changed
Then I suddenly got rhythm and I did a moonwalk
Then dangled Little Kunt off a balcony like I was deranged

Then a voice in my head said, “Kunt, when you get up tomorrow
I want you to spend the day writing a song
Tell the story of my life in just over two minutes
Like you did Barry George, I really liked that one”

But what do you want it to sound like Michael?
Shall I write a slowie, like your ballad Ben
I could write one in the style of Take That or maybe like Westlife
But Michael said, “to be honest I prefer Boys II Men”

“And when you get it finished put it up on your Myspace
If you get stuck on the lyrics, consult an online thesaurus”
Then I realised I’d spent a minute and a half setting up the premise
So I had to fit his whole life into one double chorus...

Michael Jackson
Here’s the basic facts, son
He was born black
He died white
And in the middle he fiddled with kids

Wacko Jacko
Died of a heart attack-o
He won some awards
For his records
Fucked up his face, spunked ten million quid

He was born black
He died white
And in the middle he fiddled with kids
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