Upsetting squares and making ladies moist 2003 - 2016
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For a million pounds

K:   Would you buy shares in Northern Rock?
LK: No i wouldn’t, definitely not
      Would you kiss Verne Troyer on his midget’s cock?
K:   No I wouldn’t, definitely not
      Would you call the Krays a pair of cunts?
LK: No I wouldn’t, definitely not
      Would you suck the goodness out a tramp’s y-fronts?
K:   No I wouldn’t, definitely not

LK: But what if i came up to you and offered you a millions pounds to do
      something you wouldn’t usually do?
K:   What, like tread barefoot in dog’s poo?
LK: Yeah, I suppose

K:   Alright i would, i fucking would
     If you gave me a million pounds
      I’d go on my knees and eat cock cheese
     If you gave me a million pounds
     Because i’d have a million pounds

K:   Could you listen to Westlife for more than an hour?
LK: Yes i could, for a million pounds
      Would you let Pat Wicks give you a golden shower?
K:   Yes i would, for a million pounds
      Would you fill your pants up with broken glass?
LK: Yes i would, for a million pounds
      Would you suck a fart out of John Prescott’s arse?
K:   Yes i would, for a million pounds

K:   I’d cut my cock off with a rusty saw
LK: Have a pool party with Barrymore,
K:   Eat raw offal from Beadle’s claw
LK: Do Anne Widdecombe bareback and not withdraw

K:   For a million smackers I’d slice off my knackers
      And sew em back on the other way round
LK: He wouldn’t care if he was spunking out backwards
      Cos he’d have a million pounds

K:   Yes i’d have a million pounds

K:   Would you drink a glass of Freddie Mercury’s jizz?
LK: Yes i would, for a million pounds
      Would you show Ainsley with your finger where his walnut is?
K:   Yes i would, for a million pounds
      Would you eat a little pebble of human shit?
LK: Yes i would, for a million pounds
      Would you kiss a bag lady on the clit?
K:   Yes i would, for a million pounds

LK: I’d cover up for Gary Glitter,
K:   Eat a whole tray of cat litter
LK: Poke some barbed wire up my shitter
K:   Trust Jimmy Saville as me babysitter

K:   I would, I fucking would
     If you gave me a million pounds
      Harold Shipman can have my nan
     If he gave me a million pounds
     Because i’d have a million pounds

LK: I’d wed Vanessa Feltz and have her as my spouse
K:   I’d let my kids sleepover at Michael Jackson’s house
LK: I’d shit up in the air, like a Japanese lady
K:   I’d take an unprotected bumming off of Paul o’Grady

LK: I’d drink a glass of period and smell Shane Mcgowan’s breath
K:   I’d leggit into an old people’s home dressed up as death
LK: I’d spend a day picking bits out of Jo Brand’s twat
K:   I’d be a spunk bucket hostage round Boy George’s flat

LK: I’d shoot Barack Obama, share a flat with Jeffrey Dahmer
K:   I’d shag Shannon Matthew’s mum in her gob then up the bum
LK: I’d change my name to Fred West and start a club up for incest
K:   I’d lick around the holes of Camilla Parker-Bowles

K:   I would, I fucking would, if you gave me a million pounds
     Cos I’d have a million pounds
     Yes, I’d have a million pounds
 
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